Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
