I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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