They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
