jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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