I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
