yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
