So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
