i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
