i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize