Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
