i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
