The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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