And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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