I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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