i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
Randomize
