Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
