i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
