soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
