best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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