I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
