guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
