oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
