If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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