If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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