Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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