Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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