i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
