She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
