Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
