My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
