i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
