Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
