i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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