Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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