i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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