Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
