you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
