five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
