Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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