Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell