You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"