i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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