...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.