dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me