I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize