Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
