i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach