Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.