Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize