Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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