Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
