I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
