i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
