Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize