Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
