Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
