But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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