Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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