smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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