I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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