Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
