I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
