Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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