After last night, I could never be a politician.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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