Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
