were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize