Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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