My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
