nut hugger
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
