dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
