Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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