Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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