I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
