I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
