What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
