is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
