Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
