Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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