having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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