alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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