I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
