She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
