I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
