Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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