Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
