my phone needs a breathalizer
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
