She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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