I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
