this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
